Remember your Parental Rights

Even if parental alienation is not recognized in your state as abuse, it doesn't mean you are without defense. Parental alienation or even any similar form of abuse is not technically recognized in most states. However, this doesn't mean we are without means of defense and offense in the midst of our awareness and causes to make this form of abuse legally recognized.

When PA is technically not going in our favor in our cases, it as a whole can be broken down into its elements dissecting it. Exposing it without making it look like a "witch hunt" as many want to paint it as.

It seems one of the biggest mistakes we make as parents when fighting for our children is focusing on technicalities and technical terms. We cannot overlook that PA is a downright violation of civil rights as parents and our children's as well. Civil rights that are protected by the First, Fifth and Fourteenth Amendments of our United States Constitution.

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil...my fight against Parental Alienation/Interference

This is one of my long posts and I ask that you stick with me on this one. If you read just of one post on my blog I'm glad it's this one in particular. 

There is a textbook definition of parental alienation (PA) that doesn't give it justice. One that describes its many features as, "a set of behaviors that are harmful and damaging to a child's emotional and mental health involving the mental manipulation and/or bullying of the child to pick between their mother or father. It deprives children of their right to be loved by and showing love for both of their parents and extended family. A parent uses alienation/interference tactics to hurt the other "target" parent. They deny access to anything that may challenge their view of the other parent, including any photographs, or any form of communications." It most often occurs in high conflict divorces.

Its results...damaging psychological effects with severe opposition to contact with one parent and/or hatred toward such parent as a result.

Parental Alienation: Who's Best Interest?

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate. — Thomas della Peruta

If you don't know what "parental alienation" is, you probably haven't had the pleasure of a divorce with children; let alone the war of a "high profile" custody dispute. Us veterans know exactly what it means--agony for a noncustodial parent and emotional problems for children alienated from a parent.

  

Parental alienation unfortunately, that is one of those topics that unless you yourself or you are close to someone who has experienced such a thing you probably have no idea what it is. It's one of those entities of a bigger issue that's been left out of attention. As child abuse we all know about physical abuse, sexual, mental, and emotional, but parental alienation rarely ever receives the spot light. Unfortunately, in spite of its little attention it is a form of child abuse with a higher rate of the physical forms.

As a result of both of my own children and step-children's experiences of parental alienation, that after two years later of the signing of papers, which mildly continues to this day, I petitioned the governor of my state for the proclamation of Parental Alienation Awareness Day, April 25th 2011. On March 31, 2011, Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin signed my proclamation.

Final: Hated Father

It is fatherhood which makes childhood possible.

One of the last scenes of the movie Saving Private Ryan really stands out to me. If you recall the scene where, as an old man, Ryan is standing with his wife at the grave of Capt. John Miller surrounded in a field of white crosses. He was the platoon leader who, along with several other men that gave their lives to see that at that time private Ryan safely return to his family who had already lost his multiple brothers in the war.

Ryan seemingly overwhelmed by a number of emotions kneels and as if they were standing face to face tells him he's never forgotten those last words, "Earn it," the captain spoke to him as he slipped away after receiving a fatal wound.

Ryan turns to his wife, catching her by surprise and seeking true affirmation asks her, "Tell me I've led a good life. Tell me I'm a good man." Confused but honest she responds, "You are."

Pt. 2 Hated Father

*This is not anti-woman, mother, female or even ex-wives. It is anti-child abuse, gender bias, stigma, and parental alienation.

"Hello, my name is Michelle (fake name), I'm with the Child Protective Services (CPS) of Oklahoma Department of Health Services. Can I can come in for a few questions?"

After a year of my ex-wife conjuring up excuse after excuse to keep our kids from my visitations including at one point moving without telling me where for a few weeks. I had to track her and my kids down. This investigation became the first of 5 total investigations against me. That visitation, or intrusion, occurred three months after I remarried and three months before my ex-wife remarried.  I later discovered, during that investigation, that before we had even divorced, at the time her soon to be husband's mother had already been referring to my ex-wife's and my kids as "her" soon-to-be-grandkids and even had pictures of them.

"Hated Father" Intro to a 4 part series peaking inside the doors of our Family Court system

Intro: Hated Father

"I thought cowboys and Indians were extinct like the dinosaurs."

This, my 7 seven year old says to me after I handed him a gold 50 cent piece. He asked me if it was one of the coins with the "Indians" on it.

"I think you're right son. All the cowboys and Indians are extinct." Figuratively that it is.  

No, not the six-shooter toting, chap wearing, lasso-slinging, Stetson wearing, heal clicking boot wearing, slick-looking hero who's only true companion that seems worthy of his true friendship is his horse in the old western movies. And no, not the "Indians" in the old "cowboy's and Indian's" movies as uneducated savages who always seem to barge in at the wrong time hooping and a hollering, in need of direction and guidance. Or for some reason in the old movies I have never figured out why there's a band of Indians that refuse to let some cowboys pass. Kinda like that troll under the bridge thing I guess.

But in those movies you know who the good guys are and you know who the bad guys are. There are no questions. No doubts, even if sometimes the good guys wear black. Good guys are "all" good and bad guys are "all" bad. There's no middle ground. No gray area. It's not a competition to see who can outdo each other.  Good guys don't do what they do for monetary gain. They do it all because it's the right things to do. It's a fight to the end. It's not a sport. Good is good, bad is bad. There I said it.

It's hard to find those qualities today, if at all possible. There are so many gray areas.

If you have a child did you know they already show signs of abuse? Did you know you with one phone call you can automatically have your children removed from your spouse's life? Did you know that if it's discovered you suspected abuse and did not report it you face possible imprisonment? And what's worse is that you don't have to have one single form of evidence. Absolutely!

Some of those signs your child is displaying (if you have kids) possible abuse...according to the Mondale Act of 1974 or the Child Abuse Prevention and Treatment Act (CAPTA - 42 USC Sec. 5101), which was re-authorized in 1996 by President Clinton are none other than: bedwetting, acting out, nightmares, whining, temper tantrums, thumb-sucking, and compliant and fearful behavior. The act does not provide criteria for age for these behaviors or duration and intensity. But these are normal toddler, young child behaviors that parents teach to correct. In the business of child protective services when a mother leaves her husband and takes their children and then cries child abuse he almost 100% of the time treated guilty until proven innocent. Even after case closed there is still this loom hanging over one's head; this brand that you've been accused and people are talking.

This is the beginning of a four part series pertaining to Family Court proceedings and False Allegations of Children and Domestic Violence, particularly my case and my wife's case. The last piece being over the freedom of forgiveness. I say my wife's case because I was the target of the allegations. Unfortunately my cases are almost identical to thousands if not millions of fathers. What's worse is the very children that are supposedly being fought over to be protected are being abused in the processed.

The question remains is whether or not our current laws will change or if any new bills will be presented to impose stricter guidelines when claiming child abuse at the time of divorce without compromising the integrity of real cases.

I kept joint custody in the end of my custody battle. No findings were concluded in all 5 of the child protective investigations. The turmoil my ex-wife caused is indescribable, but I will attempt to do so in the next few articles. By our American laws I was allowed to have my life and privacy invaded, issued a restraining order against me, my children kept from me for 6 months, dragged to court, pay thousands of dollars, wind up paying my ex-monies that I tried to pay her before court, and pay her husband for expenses that I was never consulted on nor agreed to.

She was allowed to commit perjury, use child protective services for own personal gain using the states money, resources, and man power, lie and manipulate our children, use our children, coach our children, receive monetary gain, and she decided when the custody battle was over, all without consequences.

Where is the protection of the innocent in all of this? The children. I experienced firsthand in our battle by the judge that, "it is better to falsely convict than to allow a child to be abused" when ordered supervised visitation just to be on the, "safe side." Children and the target parent will never lead normal, healthy lives until the abuse is stopped. Legislation needs to be changed to protect all the innocent, not just one.

Now that I think of it, maybe the cowboys and Indians aren't extinct. They just dress different and carry different weapons. I fought and I fought hard. I wasn't perfect and I did wear black. I fought for what was right. So come to think of it, I was my son's cowboy.

Your Stigma, Your Weakness...My Label, My Strength

Your Stigma, Your Weakness...My Label, My Strength

Just Making You Aware!!

You're solar, bipolar 
Panic disorder 
Seems harder and harder and harder 
Still you try to control it 
You're a symptom superficial 
To what they call knowing you 
Minus the speed, 
Could you imagine the phobia? 

"X-Amount Of Words"... lyrics, Blue October

Sleeping Beauty is popping pills and is an addict who could benefit from NA or AA. Picocchio is anorexic who suffers from body dismorphic disorder and can't stop getting his nose done. Betty Boop suffers from self-esteem issues because of her speech impediment and works the streets of Beverly Hills.  

Fred Flintstone is dyslexic. Popeye is in serious need of anger management classes. Tom and Jerry haven't come out of the closet yet. Bugs Bunny is a womanizing sex addict. Batman and Robin are tights wearing transvestites who shack up together. Charlie Brown is in need of an antidepressant, but at least he's trying; he's seeing a shrink! And Spongebob...well, he's just plain retarded.

My Reflections of Anorexia....National Eating Disorders Awareness Week

This week is designated National Eating Disorders Awareness Week (NEDAwareness) 2011, Feb 20-26 by the National Eating Disorders Association.

Their mission: "Our aim of NEDAwareness Week is to ultimately prevent eating disorders and body image issues while reducing the stigma surrounding eating disorders and improving access to treatment. Eating disorders are serious, life-threatening illnesses — not choices — and it’s important to recognize the pressures, attitudes and behaviors that shape the disorder."

Did you know as many as one million men in the US struggle with an eating disorder?  My masculinity is not measured or achieved by not telling my story of pain and struggles. More and more males are developing eating disorders these days. My fatherhood is not compromised by moments of weakness.

$2,500 on Happy Meals!

Every Sunday for six months it was McDonald's. My wife, my step-kids and I would load up in the car and drive for an hour and a half to Del City every weekend to have lunch at McDonald's for two hours from noon to 2pm. I got sick of McDonald's. But it was worth the $2,500.00.

Victims 1 & 2...aka "pawns"

To paraphrase, "He's dangerous. He's bipolar. One day he'll snap. He beats our kids. They are not safe. He gave them alcohol and exposed them to lewd acts. He has Parkinson's and is unable to care for our kids. They should be taken from him and given to me as if they are property to be decided in the divorce."

For months I stood there in disbelief in front the judge who is known for his intolerance. I stood there being watched by strangers while being accused of violent and vile crimes against my own children. While my loved ones waited in the lobby I stood in silence with only the support of a stranger who relied on monetary gain from me. While my accuser was allowed to freely paint a vivid portrait, no matter how fictitious it was, I was limited to answering the questions I was handed. At some point I learned the realization that in some situations the best way to fight is to defend.