Who Am I?

Wow, who am I? This was actually an easy question for me to answer. I have bipolar, but I'm not a label. I have Parkinson's, but I'm not a disease. The reference in my blog title defines me and I'm happy with that. I'm a Recycled Dad. I hope it's ok, but I used the following from previous posts that I had actually wrote about who I was. I edited it though to fit the format for this contest, but none the less, it is true to answer the question.

Think about what recycled means: "to reuse or make available for reuse for biological activities, to adapt to a new use, to bring back, to make ready for reuse." Ask any number of divorced dads and step-dads you're sure to get a consensus, "recycled" is how we feel..."reused, adapted." Out with the old and in with the new. Roles and relationships are redefined when it comes to biological children in spite of the fact they shouldn't be. They are your children. No one should be allowed to tell you your limits. But when the mother walks away it produces cause for change.

Step-parenting produces its own special line of challenges of feeling recycled. You wrestle with the question, "are you recycling your role as a father to your own children?" "Are you recycling your role as a father and trying to replace their father out of some need to fill that emptiness that was created in the divorce?"

Parenting with Parkinson's: It's not as easy as you think I make it look

One of my many facets as a Recycled Dad is living with Parkinson's. More specifically as a dad, parenting with Parkinson's. I'm realizing it's more challenging as my symptoms continue to progress.

When people think of or hear of Parkinson's, especially in my case young onset Parkinson's, their last thought to come to mind is "parenting." More thought or attention is given to the caregiver or partner of person with Parkinson's. It comes with focuses on their spouses burn outs from care giving, disappointments, fear of a bleak future and high divorce rates.

School's almost out for the summer and the kids are excited. They've already laid their demands on me and proclaimed their expectations. "Why isn't the pool up yet?" (It was still April and in the 60's and 70's!) They're excited and can't wait. Ready to play. Summer months means that for each of the three months I get my three kids for the first two weeks of them. My wife's kids and my kids love it because they get to be together longer. They get to watch TV, swim, jump on the trampoline (that's another of our demands, order a new jumping pad), stay up late, sleep-in. What was I thinking? Our kids don't sleep in!

Four roles, one Father....

Today, it's difficult to define the role of fathers and it's very much a case of 'ask ten people and you'll get eleven opinions'

An eleven year old son, a seven year old son and a five a year old daughter from a previous marriage. A twelve year old stepson. A ten year old stepdaughter. Two inside cats. And two outside dogs.  That's my home, on certain days of the week...certain days of the month and certain holidays of the year.

You go from father to divorced-father to single-father and "weekend-dad" with the probability of step-father with a second family. Each role has its own difficult challenges. There's this internal fight that constantly goes on inside you. It's more than a debate. It's a weighing of options. Internal conflicts.

You know you're a father. You constantly remind yourself you're a father. The fact that you're even in a position requiring you to remind yourself that you're a father makes you furious. The court now says you're a non-custodial parent. You're no longer gender identified. They could've at least left you your dignity and allowed you to keep the one identifier that made you stand out, set apart...your gender. Maybe the title of, "non-custodial father?"  Or better, "non-custodial Dad." Because after all, it's the father-child relationship that is the defining factor of the fatherhood role in life. A "Dad" does not have to be a child's biological father. Many children, as my own step-children, refer to their stepfather as dad.