God's Real Marriage

I rarely watch TV. Something about a show that observes human behaviors and the social structures that drive them that turns me off.

Despite all the glitz, the shows demonstrates that money can't buy love. Or self-respect. Or a good marriage. Obviously.

But I am surprised by the flicker of something I see in the eyes of the women on these shows.

They know.

Maybe not at first. Maybe not all of them. But more than once, I've seen it in their eyes. Faltering. This is not what it promised to be.

And this is what comes to my mind: I thought so.

When a person wavers at the emptiness of a worldly payoff, I consider that a glimpse of God pursuing them.

God still pursues.

I thought so.

Unfortunately, a lot of the characters just forge ahead by kissing up to the cameras and mean friends and bad relationships so they can maintain the status quo, even if what they gain is … less than what they thought it would be.

Promises of Peace

It turns out that things haven't changed much.

Just ask Jeremiah.

He was a young man at a time when the Israelites had rejected God. God wanted Jeremiah to tell the Israelites to come back to him.

God said, "Then why do these people stay on their self-destructive path? Why do the people of Jerusalem refuse to turn back? They cling tightly to their lies and will not turn around" (Jeremiah 8:5).

Part 3; What marriage has taught me: The reality of grace.

In our world today "grace" can carry any number of definitions. It's something that I write about often on my blog. It's easier said than done and typically that's acceptable today. Because people need to earn our forgiveness before we give it. We've all heard the expression of some sorts, "Oh I've forgiven "them," but they better not...(you fill in the blank)." Shallow grace. Grace today is generally accepted with words and no action.

The answer to this is a "no brainer." Grace is hard. Grace involves action. Grace being vulnerable and at risk. Actions that makes you cringe at the thought of. Actions that let them off the hook and makes you look weak and gullible.

My definition: Forgiveness without justification.

And it's easier for us to view and accepts God's grace even though we never deserve it and never will. It's easier for us view God's grace as loving and trust that it will always be there. It's easy for us to take it for granted. It's almost impossible for us to see God weak and naive with His grace. Most of the time we accept His grace as if we deserve it.

The first three and a half years of my wife's and my marriage was rocky to say the least. Our devotion to each other was tested like nothing either of us had ever experienced. Our willingness to sacrifice individually was broken on many occasions. For much of that time I failed to extend my wife grace. My illogical reasons: I didn't receive grace. I didn't receive what I wanted or needed.

Marriage has taught me my wife is sometimes God's hands. Sometimes His teacher. Sometimes His mirror seeing my own reflection.

Part 2; What marriage has taught me: My marriage and family are my first ministry

I have been so busy lately that I have not been able to give attention to the part 2 of this series. I've received a new position at my place of employment. I have been focused on school as the semester winds down. I've tried to maintain consistent involvement with Celebrate Recovery. And there are the issues in my home; a son transitioning from a tween to a teen, dealing with a daughter with Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Much of the time that I am able to give to myself alone consists of attempts at gathering my thoughts and catching my breath for the next responsibility. 

I'm at a crossroads today. As this semester winds down I find the drive for my desire to finish school and pursue a career in the field of psychology has dwindled to down to nothing. I even find myself apathetic to the work and even the idea of graduating. Yet I have no idea what to pursue for my future. God says He has plans for me. "Plans to prosper and not for harm. So should I worry about my future?"

We all know the cliché, "Parenting is the hardest job you'll ever do."

I can't just sit back and expect God to handle everything. Of course not. I do have my part to fulfill. And at the same time I must still focus on the here and now and not lose sight of my main calling, what God has called me to do. My first and most important responsibility. That is the calling of my first ministry. My marriage. My wife. My children. Far too often this responsibility goes overlooked in spite of the fact it is something I worry about on a daily basis.

Part 1; What marriage has taught me: The strength of my weaknesses

My wife brings out the worst in me. She exposes all my flaws for what they are. More accurately, I have learned to embrace my weaknesses within our marriage. Yesterday was our five year anniversary. The fact that we made it this far is nothing short of a miracle. More than half of our marriage we faced some of the most hellish attacks and trials. In addition to the struggles of blending our family and excess baggage from our previous marriage, we faced and dealt with parental alienation with our children from both of our ex-spouses, custody battles, my bipolar with alcoholism and anorexia along with the progress of my Parkinson's, jail time, hospitalizations and suicide attempts.

The attacks from our ex-spouses brought out the worst in me. Better yet, the weaknesses within me surfaced. The baggage I carried from my previous marriage showed their presence and dominated both my emotions and behaviors. Many times they became too heavy to bear.

Of all the things for a spouse to bring out of us, the last things we want them to be are our weaknesses. They are painful. They are embarrassing. They are our faults and the last things we want exposed let alone face and deal with.

Paul wrote, "But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong, and the base of the world and the despised God has chosen..." 1 Cor. 1:27-28