There are two things I know from life; Bipolar and
addiction. I’ve spent my complete life searching for recovery from my Bipolar
and almost the latter half from addiction.
Bipolar and addiction are so intertwined that some doctors
routinely test individuals for drug or alcohol abuse or addiction.
During a manic phase, people often live a more reckless
lifestyle. Many, as I did, may self-medicate with drugs or alcohol or both.
I am glad to say that I am at a place of recovery in both. I’m
at the point of continually working on my memoir. The following is a short poem
from my journal dated Jan 10, 2003. I’ve included it in my memoir.
It is my voice of frustration and anger with not so much of
having to deal with both physical and mental pain but instead of broken
promises and failures from treatments.
There is nothing you can do
Honey my head hurts, physically and mentally
No there is no nothing you can do
It hurts real badly
No, there is nothing you can you do
Like a knife in both eyes
No, there is nothing you can do
Every second is like a cannon going off
No, there is nothing you can do
Lights are like dagger stabbing at my eyes
No, there is nothing you can do
Please keep the kids quiet
No, there is nothing you can do
Shut the door and go away
All alone my heart beating in my head
No there is nothing you can do
Counting the beats, hoping they will stop in a while
No, there is nothing you can do
Pleading
God make it stop
Is there nothing you can do?
Why me, what did I do to deserve this?
Is there nothing you can do?
Please, there has to be something to let it stop
Is there nothing you can do?
I’ll do anything, just make it stop
Is there nothing you can do?
Focus
Ok breath
There is nothing you can do
In, out, deep breaths
There is nothing you can do
Cover your head with a pillow
There is nothing you can do
Think this doesn’t hurt, you can tough it out
There is nothing you can do
Slow your heart down, that’s it
There is nothing you can do
Stop it from beating so fast
There is nothing you can do
Lay still and it will all stop
There is nothing you can do
The Meds
Here honey, take this. The doctor said it would help.
There is nothing you can do
Oh, good a shot
There is nothing you can do
OH God! It’s making it worse, this can’t be!
There is nothing you can do
Try this spray or pill
There is nothing you can do
This isn’t working either
There is nothing you can do
Do you want to try something again?
There is nothing you can do
Anything, just give it all to me!
There is nothing you can do
One more of these and those
There is nothing you can do
By: Lupe Picazo
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