My Electroconvulsive Therapy

Some do no not believe in miracles. But I assure you I am a walking miracle.

As much as the thought of electricity being sent through your brain many times might cause most people to become a bit unease, that’s not the case for me. For months I purposely sought a second psychiatrist that performed electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). Maybe my body had become immune to the cocktail of medications I take twice a day. The tweaking had no positive affect.

My moods and behavior were as unpredictable as a two year olds. And the depression was getting the best of me. I was slipping away leaving behind a former shell of myself.

If you want to have a happy, healthy, and stable relationship, you have to treat bipolar disorder first.

Most people assume that bipolar is only about mania and depression. And to a large extent that’s true, but a holistic view understands that the disorder also includes a variety of symptoms in addition to mania and depression that also affect one’s thinking and behavior.

How I feel right now is nothing short of miraculous. I have spent most of my complete life battling depression. Much of it suicidal depression. In the past ten years I have had very little relief from my bipolar. If anything it had escalated. I felt like I spent the years just trying to survive each day.

I wasn’t suicidal when I entered the hospital. But I knew that if I didn’t get in there I would be sooner or later. I had been before and it’s not a place I want to go back.

My emotions were mixed. Depressed yet hopeful. I was putting hope in this ECT. I knew the risk. The possible memory loss. I knew there was no guarantee. I knew it wasn’t a cure. But I also knew what I was already doing wasn’t working and I couldn’t live like that anymore.

I received twelve treatments total. Today, and since then I feel like I want to live. I feel excited to be alive, happy to be breathing. I feel blessed to be alive. I feel like I have been given a second chance.