How do you know it is time to let
go? In one sentence:
When
you feel any kind of unpleasantness or discomfort.
You can consider unpleasantness
or discomfort a clear sign that it is time to let go.
And I'm no stranger to letting
go. Letting go has become a common practice of mine. Probably too much of a
common practice that it leaves me unable to get close to others. Letting go has
no longer become a problem for me.
But for some letting go is
heartbreaking. And in some situations it's completely understandable. Not all
things are equal to let go.
By letting go, we actually allow more of the mystery of life to come in
for us.-- Leslie K. Lobell, M.A.
Letting go. It's difficult for us
in so many ways and on so many levels. Yet life calls us up to do it, over and
over again. Letting go is part of our growth process. We cannot move on to the
new while continuing to cling to the old. For some we let go for their sake and
not for ours. And why doesn't it feel like a learning process?
For some of us, we must let go of
a past relationship. Or even a current relationship. Or just lesson the
relationship. Maybe the relationship was not meant to be: perhaps it was
hurtful to us, or perhaps it was hindering the personal or spiritual growth of
one or both. Perhaps we have no problems
leaving the person behind, but we continue to harbor animosity.
Letting go is the opposite of
holding on. Letting go is making yourself open, receptive, free and flexible.
That is how it is in a physical sense, and that is also how it is in a psychological
sense in, say, personal development, self help and improvement.
"Let go. Why do you cling to
pain? There is nothing you can do about the wrongs of yesterday. Why hold onto
the very things that keeps you from hope and love?" -- Leo Buscaglia
Letting go is not the same as
forgetting. It's not the same as giving up. Letting go sometimes means to stop
fighting for what can't be and to do what is best with what is.
One of the biggest obstacles
people deal with in life is letting go of the hurt. For many it becomes a full
time job. They are so many consumed with what was, what if, why, if only, etc.,
that not only do they NOT let go of the hurt, they live in it.
It's when you become obsessed
with the past that you forfeit living your life today. The plain, hard truth is
staring you in the face and there isn't anything you do about it now except to learn
from it and move on.
There is a saying: Let Go and Let
God. For most, if not all of us, the letting go that we most need to do is a
type of surrender. We need to surrender to life, itself. The means that we need
to let go of our illusion that we actually can control most aspects of our
lives. In many cases, rather than to fight "what is," we to learn to
accept and to be at peace. Too many of us are trying to keep a tight grip on
things that are out of our control. It's like trying to grip the water flowing
in a river. Put your hands into the river. If you try to get the water by
grabbing it and clenching your fists, it goes right out of your hands. If you
relax and hope, gently cupping your hands, the water flows into your palms. By relaxing,
opening, and trusting, we can hold onto more of what is precious to us. By
letting go, we actually allow more of the mystery of life to come in for us.
But letting go can, and usually
does, mean suffering. A lot of suffering. Let's face it. Sometimes we have to
let go to be the bigger person. Sometimes we have to let go for the best of the
other.
Letting go can sometimes feel
like death. Make us feel weak. Like we're the ones that failed.
But think about it, an irony.
Death, the one event that causes the greatest emotional pain, in reality opens
a doorway into the great joy of eternity. Spoke of his own death, Jesus used
the analogy of a woman in labor of childbirth: she travails until the moment of
delivery, when suddenly ecstasy replaces anguish (John 16:21).
Where is God when it hurts?
For a good portion of my life, I
shared the perspective of those who rail against God for allowing pain.
Suffering pressed in too close. I could find no way to rationalize a world as
toxic as this one.
I said letting go became easy for
me. Throughout my past so called friends left sooner than they came learning of
my bipolar. It's difficult for me to get close to others. Letting go is a part
of life.
He transforms pain, using it to
teach and strengthen us, if we allow it to turn us toward him. With great
restraint, he watches this rebellious planet live on, in mercy allowing the
human project to continue in its self guided way.
He lets us cry out, like Job, in
loud fits of anger against him, blaming him for a world of spoiled. Be angry.
You have that right.
He allies himself with the poor
and suffering, founding a kingdom titled in their favor. He stoops to conquer.
You took the humble road. Did what's best. You sacrificed. You accept a part of
you to die. You have an ally and you will conquer.
He promises supernatural help to
nourishes the spirit, even if our physical suffering goes unrelieved. Your
suffering will only last a while as it builds strength.
He has joined us. He has hurt and
bled and cried and suffered. He has dignified for all time those who suffer, by
sharing their pain. He knows.
But what about when we have to
let go when we have no choice? A spouse leaves. A child of divorce picks one
parent over another? An unexpected death of a loved one?
Yes we will suffer. The time
between suffering and thanksgiving is when the devil truly attacks our
thoughts. "If God really love you, you wouldn't have to go through
this." "You're a good person, why is He putting you through
this."
It's a subtle way of saying to us
that serving God is useless. But take Job for example, he lost his whole
family, his possessions, and his health. Job had to let go. He had no choice. His
critics accused him of hypocrisy and deception. I'm sure they didn't realize
they were being used by the devil to discourage Job.
But our suffering, is just a
powerful reminder that we are walking the same paths as some of God's greatest
saints.
Letting go is liberation.
Liberation from suffering.
Everywhere a greater joy is
preceded by a greater suffering--Saint Augustine
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