Tuesday, November 20, 2012

There is nothing you can do

There are two things I know from life; Bipolar and addiction. I’ve spent my complete life searching for recovery from my Bipolar and almost the latter half from addiction.

Bipolar and addiction are so intertwined that some doctors routinely test individuals for drug or alcohol abuse or addiction.

During a manic phase, people often live a more reckless lifestyle. Many, as I did, may self-medicate with drugs or alcohol or both.

I am glad to say that I am at a place of recovery in both. I’m at the point of continually working on my memoir. The following is a short poem from my journal dated Jan 10, 2003. I’ve included it in my memoir.

It is my voice of frustration and anger with not so much of having to deal with both physical and mental pain but instead of broken promises and failures from treatments.  

There is nothing you can do

Honey my head hurts, physically and mentally
No there is no nothing you can do
It hurts real badly
No, there is nothing you can you do
Like a knife in both eyes
No, there is nothing you can do
Every second is like a cannon going off
No, there is nothing you can do
Lights are like dagger stabbing at my eyes
No, there is nothing you can do
Please keep the kids quiet
No, there is nothing you can do
Shut the door and go away
All alone my heart beating in my head
No there is nothing you can do
Counting the beats, hoping they will stop in a while
No, there is nothing you can do

God make it stop
Is there nothing you can do?
Why me, what did I do to deserve this?
Is there nothing you can do?
Please, there has to be something to let it stop
Is there nothing you can do?
I’ll do anything, just make it stop
Is there nothing you can do?

Ok breath
There is nothing you can do
In, out, deep breaths
There is nothing you can do
Cover your head with a pillow
There is nothing you can do
Think this doesn’t hurt, you can tough it out
There is nothing you can do
Slow your heart down, that’s it
There is nothing you can do
Stop it from beating so fast
There is nothing you can do
Lay still and it will all stop
There is nothing you can do

The Meds
Here honey, take this. The doctor said it would help.
There is nothing you can do
Oh, good a shot
There is nothing you can do
OH God! It’s making it worse, this can’t be!
There is nothing you can do
Try this spray or pill
There is nothing you can do
This isn’t working either
There is nothing you can do
Do you want to try something again?
There is nothing you can do
Anything, just give it all to me!
There is nothing you can do
One more of these and those
There is nothing you can do

By:  Lupe Picazo


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Where my inspiration comes from

A Recycled-Dad with Bipolar & Parkinson's, reflections on fathering and family life and other stuff thrown in'll love my Soap Box Rants

Blog with Integrity\\ Auhor Lupe Picazo

Why I call myself a Recycled Dad

I call myself a Recycled Dad because of the struggles with remarriage and being a step-parent and weekend dad. This is also about my life living with bipolar and how it affects me personally, my family and my job. It also reflects on the grace God has poured out on me throughout recovery from alcohol and an eating disorder. Recycled Dad is about my reflections on the wisdom God teaches daily on fatherhood and being a better husband in spite of being bipolar.

Please feel free to leave comments. I welcome them