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Friday, November 16, 2012

My Electroconvulsive Therapy


Some do no not believe in miracles. But I assure you I am a walking miracle.

As much as the thought of electricity being sent through your brain many times might cause most people to become a bit unease, that’s not the case for me. For months I purposely sought a second psychiatrist that performed electroconvulsive therapy (ECT). Maybe my body had become immune to the cocktail of medications I take twice a day. The tweaking had no positive affect.

My moods and behavior were as unpredictable as a two year olds. And the depression was getting the best of me. I was slipping away leaving behind a former shell of myself.

If you want to have a happy, healthy, and stable relationship, you have to treat bipolar disorder first.

Most people assume that bipolar is only about mania and depression. And to a large extent that’s true, but a holistic view understands that the disorder also includes a variety of symptoms in addition to mania and depression that also affect one’s thinking and behavior.
How I feel right now is nothing short of miraculous. I have spent most of my complete life battling depression. Much of it suicidal depression. In the past ten years I have had very little relief from my bipolar. If anything it had escalated. I felt like I spent the years just trying to survive each day.

I wasn’t suicidal when I entered the hospital. But I knew that if I didn’t get in there I would be sooner or later. I had been before and it’s not a place I want to go back.

My emotions were mixed. Depressed yet hopeful. I was putting hope in this ECT. I knew the risk. The possible memory loss. I knew there was no guarantee. I knew it wasn’t a cure. But I also knew what I was already doing wasn’t working and I couldn’t live like that anymore.

I received twelve treatments total. Today, and since then I feel like I want to live. I feel excited to be alive, happy to be breathing. I feel blessed to be alive. I feel like I have been given a second chance. 

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Where my inspiration comes from

A Recycled-Dad with Bipolar & Parkinson's, reflections on fathering and family life and other stuff thrown in there...you'll love my Soap Box Rants

Blog with Integrity

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Why I call myself a Recycled Dad

I call myself a Recycled Dad because of the struggles with remarriage and being a step-parent and weekend dad. This is also about my life living with bipolar and how it affects me personally, my family and my job. It also reflects on the grace God has poured out on me throughout recovery from alcohol and an eating disorder. Recycled Dad is about my reflections on the wisdom God teaches daily on fatherhood and being a better husband in spite of being bipolar.

Please feel free to leave comments. I welcome them