Thursday, May 10, 2012

Truth is not enough

Wish I had learned an invaluable lesson years ago. I'm trying to learn it now but I've always proven to be too hard headed. Too stubborn. The irony is that I've always fooled myself into thinking that I was the one taking charge.

Lately I have been having hard time dealing with my bipolar. I'm not referring to its symptoms, but the coping and dealing. I cycle so unpredictably. It gets the best of me and it is wearing me out. I'm tired from it mentally, physically and even spiritually. It's exhausting. What's worse is that it seems to worsen with each episode.

Scripture says that the truth will set us free. It seems to me not applying everything  of this wisdom from life's lessons learned is enough. I knew the truth years ago that whatever we focus on we become. It's the truth. But it hasn't set me free.

Do we all not know that E=Mc2? It's a fact. It's the truth. Now can you pass an advanced physics class and explain the concepts of mass-energy equivalences? Just knowing a truth is not enough.

I'm learning this simple truth is teaching me a great deal. Wherever we put our energies or our attention, those things will develop. Another way I like to say it is, "Where the mind goes, the man follows!"

Always in the past if I began to think about alcohol, I would soon find myself in some way pursuing alcohol. My thoughts will stir my desires and emotions, and I will make the decisions to follow them.

If I focus only on the negative things in my life that revolve around my bipolar, I become negative. Everything including conversations, becomes negative. I soon lose my joy and live miserable....and it all starts with my own thinking.

We should choose our thoughts carefully. Rarely we do. We can think about what is wrong with our lives or about what is right with them. We can think about what is wrong with all the people we are in relationships with or we can see the good and focus on that.

"At least I'm not..." is the accursed slogan of the beggar.

                "Who am I to complain?" is the accursed slogan of the rich man.

And there are two sides of the same coin, because as soon as you accept one, you're chased down by the other.

At least I'm not a deadbeat dad. Therefore, who am I to complain about the emptiness of only seeing my children by visitation? My children are miracles because technically I'm unable to produce children and three were lost
At least I'm not living in an assisted home being taken care of like a child. Therefore, who am I to complain about the pain in my world because of bipolar?

I only take ten pills a day to attempt to keep my episodes at bay. Therefore, who am I to complain about the inconvenience when I am not on something such as chemo.

We, at least I, tend to end up defining ourselves in the negative. "At least I'm not" and "Who am I to" are both statements of negation instead of the affirmative that would be "I am..."

These are truths and just knowing them aren't enough. It takes understanding and accepting them to be free.

Light exists. Darkness is only the absence of light and is unable to exist in and of itself.

Heat exists. Coldness is only the absence of heat and it does not exist in and of itself.

Love exists. Isolation is only the absence of love and it does not exist in and of itself.

It's hard to admit the affirmative truths about our existence, whether it's stuff we like or stuff we don't like.
I am bipolar

I do take medication.

I do only see my children on a visitation schedule.

It's not how I'd like it, but at least it's something to work with.

No comments:

Post a Comment


Where my inspiration comes from

A Recycled-Dad with Bipolar & Parkinson's, reflections on fathering and family life and other stuff thrown in'll love my Soap Box Rants

Blog with Integrity\\ Auhor Lupe Picazo

Why I call myself a Recycled Dad

I call myself a Recycled Dad because of the struggles with remarriage and being a step-parent and weekend dad. This is also about my life living with bipolar and how it affects me personally, my family and my job. It also reflects on the grace God has poured out on me throughout recovery from alcohol and an eating disorder. Recycled Dad is about my reflections on the wisdom God teaches daily on fatherhood and being a better husband in spite of being bipolar.

Please feel free to leave comments. I welcome them