Twice a week I say my name to a group
of guys. Twice a week I say who I am not. I say what I am not.
I've looked at pornography
before. I must be a sex addict.
I am a self-published blogger who
hasn't written a book yet. I am not a real writer.
I written about being a gentleman
and loving father, a positive role model, but I've taken my anger out on my
wife and children. I am a selfish pig.
I have not sought to fulfill the
gifts God has blessed me with. I am un-grateful and self-seeking.
I broken many promises to my
mother and wife that I would not take another drink. I am no longer a man of my
word.
I've had days at work where I
goofed off much of the time instead of earning my pay. So I am a thief.
I have followed the voices in my
head and heeded to many illogical thinking my bipolar throws at me. I am a
crazy lunatic who needs to be locked up.
I have bipolar. Then I am a
danger to others.
I say I have a heart for the homeless and lost, but I've ignored them as if giving a little a change or time would inconvenience my day. This makes a hypocrite.
I put on a mask to wear during my
deep dark depressions. I tell lies to explain my odd behaviors from mania. Then
I am a fake.
I have not fulfilled the career
goals I set for myself. I am a failure.
I have tattoos and have been
jailed on numerous occasions. I am a hopeless cause.
I drank on a daily basis for many
years. So I am a drunk.
I believe in the Gospel, but I rarely
ever openly profess it. If so, only in the same kind of circle of friends. This
makes me a lying hypocrite.
Christ says that if I have ever been
unjustly angry at someone then I am a murderer.
He says that if I have ever
looked at a woman with impure thoughts then I am an adulterer.
I have spent most of my life
doing things my way. I am bigger than God.
I am alone.
I am the only one struggling.
Do you think you know me? Who I
am? Would you want to know who I am? Would you still want anything to do with
me now that you know? A hypocritical weak, crazy dangerous, adulterer?
I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve.
I do my best to hide my emotions to the public. Many times not successfully.
What I don't wear are labels. Whether stamped or self-inflicted. We are labeled
many things in this life starting from the moment we are born. It's possible
this is why we come into the world crying.
Deep down inside we know we are
innocent and want to stay that way, while everyone has already begun assuming
the worst about us. It all leaves us defenseless, believing we are products of
our environments rather than the product of intelligent design and love.
One mistake and to everyone we
are hopeless.
Image a world where we walk
around every day wearing shirts pronouncing labels: "Liar,"
"Cheater," "Backstabber," "Whore,"
"Alcoholic," and any other evil we commit against ourselves and each
other.
We would accept a life where we
let those around us shape our reality with their opinions. Where everyone has
embraced the labels given to them without question, and accept lies of what was
said about us. A life where we let those around shape the perception of reality
with their opinions of us? Where
everyone embraces the labels given to them without question, and accept the lie
of what was said about us. Or letting our identity lie in one past mistake.
But what of the most dangerous
part of labels? How easily we CAN become what we've been labeled.
I blog, am self-published, and do
not have a book deal, but I AM a writer.
I only get to see my kids every
other weekend and on holidays. My wife's kids are not my own, but I AM a dad. A
good dad.
I have a mental illness, but I AM
NOT dangerous.
I tend to hide the motions I
cannot control, but I AM NOT a fake.
I've abused alcohol for years,
but I AM recovering.
I have ignored the homeless and I
am a hypocrite, but I AM NOT alone.
I am not the only one struggling.
Sometimes I am weak, so I AM NOT
bigger than God.
Who am I?
Twice a week I profess,
"Hello, I'm Lupe, a faithful believer in Jesus Christ who struggles with
alcohol and anorexia."
I am Jose Guadalupe Picazo.
I am a sinner.
I am forgiven.
And those are only labels that do
not lie.
You are forgiven friend.Thanks for your contribution.
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