Monday, October 22, 2012

Facing Lies

I’ve been trying to work on my memoir for some time. Maybe I’m not trying hard enough. Maybe I don’t feel my life is at a point to where it is complete. Maybe I don’t feel it is worth publishing let alone reading.

My life has been anything but boring. It has been laced with Bipolar 1 and psychotic episodes, alcohol and drug use…marriages and legal problems. But I’ve had successes and victories in my life.

There have been times when I have tried things and failed. I’ve walked away satisfied just for trying.

Memoirs of bipolar and alcohol use are a dime a dozen. Who would read a story of another? Sometimes I choose to believe the lie I’m just a messed up freak who writes about dark things intertwined with stories of faith and promises of good. So I quit.

Miserable humans we are, we sometimes feel, trying hard to make our fantasies and deepest longings come true for ourselves. We whip lies into submission until they become crystal clear reality in our squishy brain folds.

But then, actual reality. The cruelty of truth creeps in warning us to never do that again.

Then I think of playing in the pain – not being afraid of the darkness, because in the darkness, we find the light. And I’m reminded of that feeling crashing into your purpose and realizing that you’ve been wasting a lot of creativity and energy with excuses.

Maybe you know what I’m talking about.

All of us have dreams. Those dreams are built around purpose – what we’re made to be – what’s in our bones to do. And every single one of us faces a moment where we decide whether or not we’ll go through with it. Every single one of us has a chance to either push forward or quit.

And here’s the best news: even if you’ve quit, even if you’ve believed the lie that whatever it is you want to pursue isn’t worth it or that people won’t understand, there’s always a second chance.

Your dream is worth it. You are worth it. What if you ran with it? What if you didn’t give up and quit?

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Where my inspiration comes from

A Recycled-Dad with Bipolar & Parkinson's, reflections on fathering and family life and other stuff thrown in'll love my Soap Box Rants

Blog with Integrity\\ Auhor Lupe Picazo

Why I call myself a Recycled Dad

I call myself a Recycled Dad because of the struggles with remarriage and being a step-parent and weekend dad. This is also about my life living with bipolar and how it affects me personally, my family and my job. It also reflects on the grace God has poured out on me throughout recovery from alcohol and an eating disorder. Recycled Dad is about my reflections on the wisdom God teaches daily on fatherhood and being a better husband in spite of being bipolar.

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