Thursday, June 2, 2011

See no evil, hear no evil, speak no fight against Parental Alienation/Interference

This is one of my long posts and I ask that you stick with me on this one. If you read just of one post on my blog I'm glad it's this one in particular. 

There is a textbook definition of parental alienation (PA) that doesn't give it justice. One that describes its many features as, "a set of behaviors that are harmful and damaging to a child's emotional and mental health involving the mental manipulation and/or bullying of the child to pick between their mother or father. It deprives children of their right to be loved by and showing love for both of their parents and extended family. A parent uses alienation/interference tactics to hurt the other "target" parent. They deny access to anything that may challenge their view of the other parent, including any photographs, or any form of communications." It most often occurs in high conflict divorces.

Its results...damaging psychological effects with severe opposition to contact with one parent and/or hatred toward such parent as a result.

Unfortunately in spite of the fact that there are millions of children and parents out there that have suffered and continue to suffer from PA our country's family court systems have continued to slowly recognize this epidemic. Yet, there are written laws against a man verbally belittling a wife while at the same time only a handful of states have enacted laws protecting children being psychologically or emotionally abused.

There are not even laws against a parent kidnapping their own child in most states. Even though those kidnapping laws state, "Any persons," they wound up being superseded by any other divorce/custody law.

See No Evil
The problem...our family court systems. Judges keep a blind eye with selective hearing and refusing to speak up. They see no evil, hear no evil, and speak no evil. They maintain a passive presence while innocent children and their targeted parent suffer. Judges relinquish their power to the targeting parent and paid attorney while removing the policy, "what's best for the child," completely from the law.

"See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil." It describes anyone who doesn't want to be involved in a situation or someone who willfully turns a blind eye to the immorality of an act they are involved in.

Unfortunately parental alienation/interference is a way too common form of abuse. And what's worse is that most judges brush it off as, "he said, she said," bickering between divorcing or ex-spouses while failing to see the true picture.

I for one hand had the misfortune of experiencing two simultaneous custody disputes at the same time. One in Oklahoma City, 85 miles away, and one here in my home town. The first was brought on by my ex with allegations of abusing our own children during my weekend visitations. The second was a result of her convincing my current wife's ex of her allegations because she felt she wasn't making any progress in her case. He used the same allegations to began his custody dispute with me as a target.

My wife and I were blessed to get a judge who was wise enough to see through the crap of our attackers in her case and refused to put up it. Contrary to my own case that lasted almost 3 years, my wife's case lasted less than 6 months with her winning full custody.

My judge on the other hand proved just how behind, biased, corrupt, and inattentive my states family courts are.

According to the 14th Amendment both my children's and my rights were violated as an act of the judge. Section 1 states that "no law can be enforced to deprive a citizen of life, liberty or property, without due process of the law nor deny....equal protection of the laws."

However, not only without evidence of any form of child abuse, he had multiple evidence from DHS stating the allegations were from "motives to gain leverage in a custody dispute." I was denied my children on numerous occasions by the judge and even ordered supervised visitation for six months which costs me $2,500.00 to see my kids for two hours each Sunday. My ex-wife never paid a consequence for filing false child abuse reports or going against our court order visitation schedule. A court order visitation is supposed to be held to the same standard as if you were to appear in court. Not to mention the financial loss I incurred.

According to the Civil Law, Ei Incumbit Probatio Qui Dicit, Non Qui Nega, "The burden of proof rests on who asserts, not on who denies" my right to prove my own innocence was violated. It's the legal right that one is presumed innocent until proven guilty. Not if your accused of abusing your own children. They look at you different. You're already guilty. After all, there must be some reason you were accused. Right?

Though it was all due to lies and false allegations I was subjected to a Victims Protective Order by my ex based on accusations such as bruises, verbal and physical abuse, the ongoing child abuse investigation, which she talked the daycare worker into reporting. I was accused of verbally harassing my ex, not bathing my kids, not meeting their medical needs and that I would refuse to return them. This two weeks before receiving the custody dispute papers and is a tactic used by family law attorneys. This was also the first my bipolar was mentioned and used against me claiming I was unstable and mixing pills with alcohol.

Here's the bias, I got a restraining order against me for not doing the very things she was doing.

Three emergency temporary custody orders were filed against me. The first two, as was the VPO were dropped due to lack of evidence. Each time one was dropped my ex returned with a new one based on more severe allegations. The third though was granted as a resulted of my son being coached and is what also got me the supervised visitation.

I was accused of yelling at my kids, hitting, throwing, choking them, causing bruises, giving them alcohol, not bathing them, somehow making them ill with rashes and other ailments that evidence a lack of proper care and attention, returning them filthy and exhausted, exposing them to lewd acts, and allowing them to be molested. There were so many other specific ones all of which are lies and were allowed to let court drag on and manipulate my kids.

I had a police report filed against me and phone call recorded while they were listening without my knowledge at the time. That same police report was used against me with its contents lied about in court even though it was severely edited with black marker.

I was ordered to release my mental health records. They're main goal was to prove I was some kind of dangerous nut and could snap at any time because I'm bipolar. More than once I had to stand in front of everyone while I was made to look like I was subhuman. That I was unworthy to live a normal life and didn't deserve the relationships with my kids just because I'm bipolar.

Hear No Evil
I understand and I'm all for protecting our children. But when taking everything in context and having evidence right in front of your face should make for a different storyline. There is such a thing as burden of proof.

According to the Convention on the Rights of the Child of the United Nations, which supersedes that of any of our national and state laws, my children's rights were violated:

Article 3 (Best interests of the Child); Article 4 (Protection of rights); Article 5 (Parental guidance); Article 6 (Survival and development); Article 8 (Preservation of identity); Article 9 (Separation from parents); Article 10 (Family reunification); Article 11 (Kidnapping); Article 12 (Respect for the views of the child); Article 13 (Freedom of expression); Article 18 (Parental responsibilities; state assistance); Article 19 (Protection from all forms of violence); Article 20 (Children deprived of family environment);  and Article 36 (Other forms of exploitation).

According to Oklahoma Statutes, Title 43. Marriage, Section 107.4 all four (4) of my accusers should've faced serious consequences for the numerous counts of false child abuse allegations and psychological/emotional abuse they themselves inflicted. Instead the judge felt it was necessary that I substantially reward my ex-wife by paying her over $4,000.00 for some mysterious accrued expenses she seem to have come up with at the end of our case at the day we signed the papers. It wasn't until the day we signed the papers that those expenses were brought up. Not until after almost 3yrs of in and out of court.

So many laws and rights violated all due to the complacency of a family court system. At the end of my custody dispute my attorney asked my ex's attorney if there was ever a point she believed my ex's allegations. Her answer,..."no." Yet she seemed to have no problem with removing a loving father who would fight tooth and nail to the end for his children.

The attorney I had appointed for my children didn't believe I abused my children. Yet didn't do anything to speak up. The judge, with written reports and statements that consisted of investigators from multiple counties with results indicating me with no evidence of abusing and that her allegations were to gain leverage, seemed to lay back and let the attorney's run the show to see who could outdo each other.

So much for "best interest of the child." There's only one person with that. It wasn't the judge. Or the attorneys. It wasn't the attorney I appointed for the kids. It wasn't even their own mother. My ex left and packed up taking the kids 80'something miles away leaving most of their lives a secret to me at that time. Going so far as listing their step-dad as their father and me their "biological father" on various forms.

I didn't get the luxury of staying home with my sick child or picking them up from school. Or one of them turning to me when they got hurt. I was deprived of many of their "firsts." But I would be damned if I would let them down at a time when they needed me the most. And I didn't.

I say I'm working for a change. Change my states family court system. Change parental alienation/interference consequences. Make false child abuse allegations punishable by law. Make going against a valid custody order that's for a period of time kidnapping.

In March of this year, I wrote a written petition to my state's governor requesting her to declare April 25th, 2011 as Parental Alienation Awareness Day. On April 2 I received a call from Governor Fallin's office informing me she signed the petition. That document is hanging in my living room.

Currently I'm working on 5 measures to present to my state legislature. Three of which would be new laws and two amendments. I've now presented those to my one of my state senators.
She's responded back inquiring for more information and forwarded it to our state's insurance commissioner.

Few people realize the virtually absolute power of courts to invade and carve up a family, to take children away from parents who have done nothing wrong, to dissolve marriage and without giving any reasons and to order the summary incarceration of parents who refuse to acquiesce...few people, that is to whom it has not happened.

Family law throughout most of the United States now allows a parent to unilaterally remove a child, heck even all their children, from the other parent and dissolve a marriage without any grounds or evidence of wrongdoing. Even more shocking, a parent who does this cannot expect to be punished by the courts; on the contrary, he or she can very well expect to be generously rewarded with custody, child support, arrears, and other financial rewards. Not surprisingly, disturbing numbers of children are routinely separated from loving, responsible parents for reasons that have nothing to do with their wishes, safety, health, or welfare.

In my case it was the convincing of my ex that got our children's daycare worker of whom I had never met, of whom lived and worked almost a hundred miles away to call me in a child abuser. To her she was convinced my children were being abused by me on my only 4 days out of the month with them. It never occurred to her they could be abused by her or their step-dad during while in their 90% presence. Nor did it anybody in the legal system. To them I was guilty before proven innocent.

This system of legalized child kidnapping naturally encourages more and generates enormous profits for family law attorneys, who now openly advise their clients to stay this course of actions. In their minds, failure to do so is malpractice.

Speak No Evil
You have heard that 50% of marriages end in divorce, though you probably do not know that some 80% of these are over the objection of one spouse (close to 100% when children are involved). You have heard about "custody battles," but you probably do not know that most start out as unilateral child abductions. You have heard about the witch hunt for "deadbeat dads," though you do not know how many are ejected fathers like me who are vilified by a government that has taken their children without cause. You have heard the hysteria over "child abuse," but you do not know that most accusations are shown to be false and used to remove children from their parents. You have heard about "overloaded courts," though you may not know how far courts create business for themselves by encouraging child stealing and other forms of belligerence. You have certainly heard about violent crime, about adolescent drug and alcohol abuse, teenage pregnancy, child suicide, truancy, and a host of other social ills whose single most important cause is not poverty, race, or poor education but single-parent homes.

Sadly, no more tragically, is that young couples, newlyweds and any other parent, especially any parent just beginning their drudge down the road for divorce and custody dispute, must clearly understand that the rite, that is the marriage ceremony as well as any other parental right, provides virtually no protection to parents or children from arbitrary invasion by the state.

In today's society there are many threats to the family which defy blame and remedy. Divorce used to be the number one enemy against the family. The family now has its own enemy from inside. A parent uses their own child against the other parent while our family court systems plays along.


  1. I am currently going through a divorce dealing with PA from spouse. Appointed GAL is not seeing manipulation. Temporary orders determined by judge for joint custody, refused first right of refusal, etc. occurred today after four continued hearings due to an exhausted court. I realize my situation is not as severe as yours, however, the manipulation of the children and courts remain. I welcome any information you are willing to share to assist me.

  2. PA is kidnapping! it should be dealt with as seriously as kidnapping at the onset as it only gets worse for ALL concerned. My family has had no access to my 3 children for over ten years. The Government couldn't care less. Being a parent is dangerous, you can have your life stolen buy an alienating parent and there is NO protection from it. Keep up the good fight.



Where my inspiration comes from

A Recycled-Dad with Bipolar & Parkinson's, reflections on fathering and family life and other stuff thrown in'll love my Soap Box Rants

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Why I call myself a Recycled Dad

I call myself a Recycled Dad because of the struggles with remarriage and being a step-parent and weekend dad. This is also about my life living with bipolar and how it affects me personally, my family and my job. It also reflects on the grace God has poured out on me throughout recovery from alcohol and an eating disorder. Recycled Dad is about my reflections on the wisdom God teaches daily on fatherhood and being a better husband in spite of being bipolar.

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