Parenting with Parkinson's: It's not as easy as you think I make it look

One of my many facets as a Recycled Dad is living with Parkinson's. More specifically as a dad, parenting with Parkinson's. I'm realizing it's more challenging as my symptoms continue to progress.

When people think of or hear of Parkinson's, especially in my case young onset Parkinson's, their last thought to come to mind is "parenting." More thought or attention is given to the caregiver or partner of person with Parkinson's. It comes with focuses on their spouses burn outs from care giving, disappointments, fear of a bleak future and high divorce rates.

School's almost out for the summer and the kids are excited. They've already laid their demands on me and proclaimed their expectations. "Why isn't the pool up yet?" (It was still April and in the 60's and 70's!) They're excited and can't wait. Ready to play. Summer months means that for each of the three months I get my three kids for the first two weeks of them. My wife's kids and my kids love it because they get to be together longer. They get to watch TV, swim, jump on the trampoline (that's another of our demands, order a new jumping pad), stay up late, sleep-in. What was I thinking? Our kids don't sleep in!

I shaved my mustache for this?!!

My wife and I were having this discussion about this article I had read the other day and I got to thinking about one of the comments she made in response.

I was complaining about those insulting articles written by women about men about how to shop, act, dress, behave, comb your hair, stand up & sit up straight, say, "yes, ma'am, no ma'am." No I made last those three up. Seriously though, I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Those TV commercials, sitcoms, and women's advice articles to men for this and that.

Her response: "Well, if men would listen to their wives." Mine: "Whoa, whoa...I don't agree. I think if they wouldn't tell us so much stuff to do we wouldn't either forget it or get it jumbled up."

For a while now more and more so called "advice" articles instructing us men and fathers on the do's and don'ts on each and every holiday as if we are incapable bumbling idiots who aren't even allowed to succeed before we are deemed a failure.

Here's how they generally go: buffoon of a man, usually a husband, struggles to have a clue as to what something is all about. Sure enough, an all-knowing woman (usually the wife), rolls her eyes and shaking her head in pity, is there to help the stupid buffoon of a man not utterly ruin everything. And, by the way, did I mention that the man is ignorant? In an alternate version, the children who are all-wise, and they help the idiot father figure things out. And of course we’re all supposed to laugh: “Ha, Ha, Ha look at that stupid guy. What an idiot!” The pivotal role of every sitcom.

New Year's we're told how dress and don't embarrass you at dinner or the party. Valentine's we're told what to buy, where to buy it, what to wear, where to take you, where not to take you, etc and don't embarrass you. Thanksgiving and Christmas we're told when and we are going and what time to eat. And it's not that we men don't welcome your advice and suggestions. We just don't want to be talked to and treated like a bunch of dim-witted idiots.

The test of all happiness is gratitude

"This guys awesome." "Lupe, you're the best." "Lupe, I just want let you know we appreciate you so much." "Lupe, I don't know what we would do without you." "Lupe, is there anything you can't do?"

That's some of the brags I receive at work. Although I'm sure gotta be exaggerations. I'm not bragging on myself but to tell you the truth, it really feels good to hear them and it makes me feel grateful to know I'm appreciated and recognized. They are grateful for me and I'm grateful that they are.

I'm supposed to teach on Gratitude this coming Thursday evening at Celebrate Recovery and to be honest I don't feel very grateful for much. I'm having a hard time writing up what to say in spite of how much I'm praying about it. I know being grateful shouldn't have anything to do feelings, but if gratefulness was so easy it wouldn't have to be taught upon. My emotions seem to rule me rather than me ruling them. When it comes to gratitude, practicing keeping things in perspective is easier said than done.

For the sake of privacy I won't go into detail, but there's more than one relationship issue going on and my own personal life and questions about direction in my life. Not to mention my health. Things could be worse. Some things were worse a little over a year ago. But some things remain, while others are worse.

A Dad's Point Of View: A Real Dad Is Only As Happy As Their Least Happiest Child

I warn you, this is another long post. But I believe it is well worth your time. It's going to focus on many issues and I hope it doesn't jump around. Any good parent is only as happy as their least happiest child. I can only speak from my personal experience and heart. 

One of my favorite songs that I literally take as a prayer to God is "Lead Me," by Sanctus Real. It is a real prayer written by the bands lead singer written out his heart after he and his wife had been experiencing a period of distance and misunderstandings between themselves and their children.  A few words of his prayer made into that hit song goes:

”I see their faces, look in their innocent eyes
 They're just children from the outside
 I'm working hard, I tell myself they'll be fine
 They're independent
 But on the inside, I can hear them saying...
 Lead me with strong hands
 Stand up when I can't
 Don't leave me hungry for love
 Chasing dreams, but what about us?
 Show me you're willing to fight
 That I'm still the love of your life
 I know we call this our home
 But I still feel alone”
 So Father, give me the strength
 To be everything I'm called to be
 Oh, Father, show me the way
 To lead them
 Won't You lead me?"

I'm More Than Pretty Nails and Pretty Toes to my Daughter

Def Leppard was blaring. Why I even had that in my media library I don't know. But that's what she wanted to listen to so I let her. She had this planned since the morning. How could I say no to her desire to spend time with just dad while expressing her own self?

 

She picked the perfect timing. Today I actually had the time and here lately I have felt convicted about not spending enough, if any at all, time with the kids. I give myself so many projects that I in addition to all my other required obligations, work, etc., that I'm gone much of the time in the evenings and when I get home I wind up spending the majority of the time in my bedroom.