I'm More Than Pretty Nails and Pretty Toes to my Daughter

Def Leppard was blaring. Why I even had that in my media library I don't know. But that's what she wanted to listen to so I let her. She had this planned since the morning. How could I say no to her desire to spend time with just dad while expressing her own self?

 

She picked the perfect timing. Today I actually had the time and here lately I have felt convicted about not spending enough, if any at all, time with the kids. I give myself so many projects that I in addition to all my other required obligations, work, etc., that I'm gone much of the time in the evenings and when I get home I wind up spending the majority of the time in my bedroom.

Stupid Articles and their Stupid Titles for Stupid Parents

I wouldn't consider this one of my rants, but I came across a collection of numerous articles I found both ridiculous and absurd making them quite humorous. Some were flat out moronic. I thought to myself, "are they serious? They actually think they are being informative?"

What's worse, they are about parenthood. Ok, now that I think about this it will sound be more of a rant from my soap box. I don't like to write what seems so negative of a content so close together because negative is not what I am. But if there are two things that really get on my nerves and infuriate me, this collection of articles captured them with grace. No wait, come to think of it there's three things in this collection that infuriate me.

As mentioned it's a collection of articles about parenthood and children. Many of, if not most of, the articles are written by journalists who have no children nor expertise in child rearing. Hello!! "Yes, and while you're helping with my 4yr old who still isn't potty trained will you help me understand why E=mc²?"   I know blogging and online journaling can fun and so can being informative, but giving someone a spot in an online magazine or journal doesn't make them an expert in any field....well, unless they were already and expert in that field.

My Eating Disorder series coming soon....

One evening after talking about my journaling and writing, someone made the comment to me, "I don't know if I could ever write. I'd be afraid someone would read it. And I don't think I can tell anyone about my past. I'd be embarrassed." To which I responded, "The way I see it I wasn't embarrassed being drunk everywhere I went in public.  I didn't care what people what people thought about my drinking. Nor did I care what people thought about me not eating. So the last the thing I should be embarrassed of is telling where God brought me from."

I want to tell you a story. My story. My eating disorder story. Even though my eating disorder was birthed as a result of the false child abuse allegations and custody disputes I feel it doesn't really fit with the nature of the blog as a whole.

However, I still want to write my story and encourage others, but I don't feel I have the time to devote to another blog. 

I'm not sure why I want to actually write about eating disorder. For myself? For other sufferers? For their families? For God? I had previously thought about writing a book, but had come to the conclusion that my heart is just not into it. (I am writing on another)

Maybe I'm looking for closure. Maybe I'm sensing this urge God is wanting me to do. I started recovery over a year ago which a hard process. I didn't go inpatient. I'd been seeing a counselor and continued but we didn't focus on it. My main source of recovery was my renewed relationship with Christ and Celebrate Recovery.

I am probably one of the most unlikeliest person's who could've developed anorexia. I know it threw me by surprise. But I did. And in spite of the many things going on I continue to find myself motivated to write about it.  It's my hope to post at least one posting a week about my own eating disorder or something on the topic of ED.

At the worst time of my eating disorder, a little over two years I penned these words in a poem I wrote about Ana (anorexia)...

"She enjoys it, she laughs

 Each time my insides die

 I can't see past her temptations

 I live on her every single lie

 As each day passes

 I become hooked more and more on her

 She's my drug, my addiction

 I'm her weakness, I meet the floor"

Regardless of why feel so compelled to my story, I invite you, and hope you invite others to embark with me, because I more than welcome any comments and interactions, on this. It is my personal story. A story of healing from anorexia and it's process. A story of renewed relationship, with loved ones, and with God.

So please sign up to follow.

You're not the trophy dad you think you are

I have to warn you before you start reading. It's rather long and it's one of my rants slash soap box writings. In light of some recent events that I have grown fed up with I thought I might as well share my thoughts here. I  hope you make it through to the end. I would be even more grateful if you would comment.

"They sow the wind and reap the whirlwind. The stalk has no head, it will produce no flour"... Hosea 8:7

In the beginning of my hopes as a father I had dreams of seeing my children leave my home sometime in the future. Just not as close to the future as I had hoped for. What I was looking for was something more of sometime after they graduated high school and maybe off to college or just venturing out on their own in responsibility. But that wasn't the case.

What the case was, was them being taken by mother and moving almost 100 miles away and me being able to do nothing about it, leaving me at me the time alienated from my children. A far cry from my hopes and dreams being fulfilled. Dreams of having a day to day relationship. Dreams of raising my children into responsible adults. Instead I became a "weekend-dad."

Trying to be a father to my own children and my step-kids, within boundaries but even that's questionable, is literally the hardest thing I've set out to do. No matter what I do, each day I continue to feel I have never done enough. Everyday I'm without my kids I think about wanting to be with them. Each day I am with them I think how I don't want it to end. But I'm always reminded they are just visiting. I hate that word.

I Am Fluent In Parent Lingo

The other day my wife and I were in the car. She was flipping through the radio stations when all of a sudden before I knew it the words rolled off of my tongue, "They don't make music like they used to. I can't understand a word they're saying. All that crap sounds the same." I turned to my wife, "Oh my gosh, did I just say what I think I just said?" I might as well called them whipper snappers and started yelling, "turn that noise down!"

Honestly though, I don't get today's music when comparing it to the music I grew up with in high school, and that was 20 years ago.  I'm sure it's that way with everyone else too.

I've noticed within the last few years I find myself using that "old person" lingo. You know, those phrases that you heard while still living under your parents roof and swore you would never use. I know the cause of it. I'll be 37 years old this year and I seriously don't believe it has anything to do with age. Somehow I've been blessed with a slow aging process physically. I literally look at least 15 years younger than my age. The oldest anyone has ever guessed my was 24. I like to joke and say that Benjamin Button is my dad and that I'm growing younger as well.  I don't feel close to 40. Then again I don't know what that is supposed to feel like. You just hear all the hoopla about turning 40. Oh my gosh there I go again! I know I am getting older. I refer to my co-workers, not in a derogatory way, as kids. Yet they are college students while some are mothers. I'm even older than my bosses.

Parental Alienation: Who's Best Interest?

Our children are not born to hate, they are raised to hate. — Thomas della Peruta

If you don't know what "parental alienation" is, you probably haven't had the pleasure of a divorce with children; let alone the war of a "high profile" custody dispute. Us veterans know exactly what it means--agony for a noncustodial parent and emotional problems for children alienated from a parent.

  

Parental alienation unfortunately, that is one of those topics that unless you yourself or you are close to someone who has experienced such a thing you probably have no idea what it is. It's one of those entities of a bigger issue that's been left out of attention. As child abuse we all know about physical abuse, sexual, mental, and emotional, but parental alienation rarely ever receives the spot light. Unfortunately, in spite of its little attention it is a form of child abuse with a higher rate of the physical forms.

As a result of both of my own children and step-children's experiences of parental alienation, that after two years later of the signing of papers, which mildly continues to this day, I petitioned the governor of my state for the proclamation of Parental Alienation Awareness Day, April 25th 2011. On March 31, 2011, Oklahoma Governor Mary Fallin signed my proclamation.