Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Ranting in the Calm
Say, "CHEESE!"
"Smile Lupe! Why don't you ever smile? Why do you always look so sad? You should smile more." These are just some of the advice I'm privileged to receive from those who have my well-being in "their" best interest. "I should what?" "And why do you care?" "Thank you for reminding me of the progression of my Parkinson's. You will have to forgive me that it displeases you."
I mean really, who do people think they are that they feel the need to tell others how to carry themselves? I don't tell people who have gained weight, "Wow, you need to go on a diet; I don't like what I see."
Anyone who knows even the slightest bit about Parkinson's knows its cardinal signs: Tremor and Shuffling. However, the many other motor symptoms are not as well known, such as the lack of the automatic ability for facial expressions also known as hympomimia, or masked face. It's a flat affect. The upper lip is rigid and is difficult to move. Less blinking. The face looks, well, just flat...expressionless. Most of the time I sound like I'm drunk when I speak. My speach is slurred. My voice is low. Not so bad when meds are working well.
And I would go so far as to say this makes some people uncomfortable. And for some downright nosy.Being able to multi-task is all but lost as Parkinson's progresses. You know the ability to walk and chew gum at the same time? I've always had a stoic face. I can smile and I can laugh, when the circumstances call for it. I just don't walk around with a goofy grin
on my face. I can smile and I can walk, I just can't do both at the same time.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
It Wasn't Raining When Noah Built The Ark
No, it wasn't raining nor had it ever rained before. Just like Noah didn't know what to expect once he completed the ark, a day in the life of a person with Parkinson's is unknown. With the fear of sounding sorry for myself, my days have come to be ruled by constant planning ahead never knowning what I will be facing. Quite the contrary of feeling sorry, it is so constant by now it has already become a way of life that has given me the grace to appreciate what God has entrusted me with.
I was 29 when my first symptom showed up, a slight tremor in my right hand. That was 7 years ago. For the most part of 6 of those years the extent my symptoms progressed was a tremor that developed in to my left hand and bottom jaw. Now in this previous year I became completely symptomatic. Part of my current treatment is an attempt to slow it's progression.
How My Nonsense Makes Sense
I like nonsense,it wakes up the brain cells. It breaks up the mundane and seriousness of life.
So many roles too fulfill. No games to play. Grad school, work, husband, and father...step-kids live here and my kids are with their mother miles away except for visitations. Weekly schedules of work and homework. Daily routines of helping with 5th grade homework. Communicating back and forth with my ex-wife to care for our kids. Both sets can be a worthwhile handful. Sometimes it feels as if I have two families. Then there is my own health...the symptoms, the pills. But for whatever reason I can be childlike, whether by design or natural. If things start happening, I don't worry, I don't stew, I just go right along and I'll start happening too. Oh, I'm not complaining either. I'm blessed. I know where I've been brought out of.
After my kids reached an age where they began to play using their imaginations I began to realize that fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope to see those things that we've allowed to be obstructed by our serious and responsible daily lives. Fantasy can be harmless child's play. We miss the best things if we keep our eyes shut.